Some thoughts

I am a person of goals.  My clock has started over again.  That is OK.  I do not want them any more.  I came across something that spoke of the 7-7-7 rule.  Seven days to get the nicotine out of your system.  (In my case it is thirty.)  Seven weeks for the psychological addiction to end.  And seven monthes for the what did I ever see in them to kick in.

My lover that I should have never taken up with.  I will always miss you.  I have such good memories of you.  Your allure will always tempt me.  There is no medically safe amount to smoke.  I cannot ever succumb to your wiles again.  I will keep your picture in my wallet and I will not deny what we had together.  Because

I have cut my freaking arm off!!

My relapse

If I said it once I said it a thousand times.  "I just want to smoke one."  After I went 24 days of not smoking I found myself at the counter saying I wanted some cigars.  My brand comes 5 to a pack.  It was a pleasant Friday morning.  The cigar failed to satisify me.  I smoked it and it was nothing like I imagined it would be.  Did I throw it and the rest out?  Not hardly.  I had another on Saturday morning.  The third one was consumed on Sunday morning.  Monday and Tuesday morning finished the pack off.  I can't remember the last time a pack of cigars lasted me five days.

The whole time the scene in "Vacation" where Chevy Chase is repeating 'This is crazy, this is crazy' over and over is playing in my mind.  Well it is Christie Brinkley in the pool.  Who could turn that down?  Not too many.  A few will say I would but they are not being honest with themselves.

I go home and go to bed.  When I wake up on Tuesday I hear something I cannot place but is familiar.  What is that sound?  It is me.  It is me wheezing.

I have not had one since.

Home again, Home again

Well it has been two weeks with no smoking.  I am able to surf the net and glean all sorts of information now.  I came across a video of an autopsy where they showed the plaque of a 30 year smoker in the cornary artery.  Scary stuff.  One line I came across that I liked spoke of embracing the cravings rather than cursing them.  They are, after all, something that has to be dealt with.

I do have an 800 pound gorilla in the backyard.  I just cannot bear to go out there.  Even looking out the window causes a feeling that I cannot put into words.

My return to work was 17 days after I quit smoking.  I had been dreading work.  Did I have any smokes in my locker?  Could I stay up all night and not go insane?  Actually the enviroment of my workplace was the easiest place to not smoke.  Work has designated smoking areas.  All I had to do was stay away from them.

I thought it strange that not one person at work said anything about my not smoking for close to a month.