Back at home.

I have made up my mind.  There is half a cigar in the ashtray in the garage.  I will fire up that one, savor it and get on with the hell that is to come.  I encounter a problem.  The ashtray is empty.  My farewell smoke is not going to happen.  Darn it all.

I have tried to quit a few times over the years.  I have tried the patch, prescription pills, and cold turkey.  One thing I know about quitting is to avoid activities that you did when you smoke.  I do not smoke inside the house.  I go out to the garage and light up there.  Everything from a puff to a complete smoke.  Just outside the den is my backyard patio.  I spent $5,000 building a place that I could grill, drink, and, smoke.  I cannot go out there.  I start each day by making a pot of coffee.  Then the dog and I would go out and get the paper.  This was when I would have the glorious first smoke of the day.  Well my wife can get the paper now and the dog can use my back patio,  I can't.  I can't drive for 3 days so the temptation to go and buy some smokes is removed.  No one I come in contact with smokes so I can't be tempted that way.  Looks like cold turkey.  Damn.

I do not really remember these five days between coming home and leaving for the beach.  I watched alot of TV, went to bed early and lamented that I wanted that farewell smoke.  There is one thing I remember quite well; I went through a whole bunch of Werther's hard candy.

One thing Dr. Holt told me was that if I walked for 30 minutes, 6 days a week, that alone would decrease my risk of a myocardial infarction by 50%.  I own a treadmill I just need to get all the stuff stacked on it off and I can use it again.  Plus I never smoked while on the treadmill so it would be a period of time each day that I would not think about smoking.  I developed the habit of hitting the treadmill first thing each morning during these five days.  If it bothers the wife and kids TOUGH.

It is now Saturday and the cravings for a smoke just will not get any better.  My doctor's practice has a walk in clinic on Saturday so I go up there to see if I could get something.  Valium, marijuana, something.  There is a note on the door of the office---No clinic today!!  Ok God I hear you loud and clear;  I am on my own.

I have never thought the statement "What does not kill you makes you stronger" to be ironic before.

Let's pack for the beach.  Please remember the Werther's.